A bankrupt idealist.

In my own horror, and through the help of my closest confidants, I have seen myself thorugh some pretty ugly moments these past couple of 24 hours. 

The word "rampage" was used. Along with the phrase, "your poor me party". 

Ouch. But without HEARING those words, it makes it harder to ground myself and come to the Amelia that isn't mean, angry, hurtful, irrational, reactionary, etc......

I asked for help and large spoonful of motivation, and woke up this morning ready to take on my, "overly full" as I was calling it, plate.

Yes, I do have a busy life, jammed with things to accomplish, people to see, impressions to make, experiences to be had but those things don't mean anything if I cannot enjoy them. A "bankrupt Idealist" as my morning devotion pointed out. No thanks. 

I started a new journal this morning and it will be just lists of gratitude. This was one of my early tools in self development and for this I know only one thing: I must cherish what I have, for tomorrow--or even later today--I may not have those things. 

My little boy is turning 4 in five days. This is such a beautiful thing. I will not be sad in his growth, rather I will be grateful for his growth, development, innocence, pleasures, joys, smiles. This is what motherhood is about. Cherishing the moments, memories, and milestones. Four is a big deal. Four is FOUR!! This makes it all the more amazing that I take a step back and breath it all in, before 4 turns into 14. 

There is time. Let GOD in. Breath life. Have faith. 

Phew. 

Love,

Amelia