One more time...

It is hard to believe that in one short semester, I will have all of the classes that I need for med school completed.

After this semester, I can officially take the MCAT, apply to Medical School, and get on with my next adventure in life.

Boy, reading that last statement, "take the MCAT, apply to Medical School, and get on with my next adventure," is like reading a weird script. What if I fail? Well, that is always something that could happen, but what if I don't. I want to do this, so I am praying that I succeed. And if for some reason I don't, I will pray for understanding, and I will have faith that this wasn't meant for me. Either way, I won't have any regrets about time, money, or determination spent on this quest. It is a quest for knowledge, power, and the right to treat and heal people. It's worth some energy, if not A LOT!!

Today was a day for firsts. I held someone close to me, for the first time in a long time, and I didn't have that icky feeling in my stomach. I made peace with another person, and I think doing that made me realize something: I want my family, and a person who doesn't want their family is certainly giving up a lot. I want it to work, and I am going to work on it. That is resolution, right there. I am proud of the decision I made, and I am proud that I could be open and honest. It is so strange that I am so terrible at reading strangers, but once I get spiritually attached to another person's soul, I can tell what they mean without even hearing a single word.

This post is a bit random, I know, but I wanted to keep my goal of posting once a day. This is going to become quite the go to blog, for me. It's almost like my personal diary, but I keep it PG. No one needs to know all the crazy thoughts that roam free in my head. :P

Thanks for reading, even if it is just to be nosy and wonder...I am like that, too.

I am not perfect. I am human. I have a heart, a soul, and a mind. I am glad that I take care of all three.

Blessings...

<3 Amelia

Christmas Break, at last!

My Dear Followers,

You may have noticed that I took a break from posting over the weekend. There were several reasons for that.
1. I was sick with the stomach bug on Saturday.
2. I worked a 12 hour shift on Sunday.
3. Any spare time was spent cramming for my Physics final. 

Well, Monday is here, my physics final is over, and I am a free woman!! Well, actually, only until January 7th, but by then I am sure my spirit and desire for knowledge will be revived.

For now.... I have  a things I would like to remark on.

1. I am so thankful for the generous support of my friends and family, as I have combined working and studying into a very long, (yet really short) semester. The help that was given, the encouraging words that were spoken, and the kind hugs are all wonderful memories of the amazing support group that I know I will ALWAYS have standing behind me. What an amazing feeling! Mother nature even sent a flock of geese to give me a warm goodbye, as I was leaving the Ivy Tech  parking lot this morning. I bet there were at least 100 of them.

The beautiful flock of geese, saying "Bon Voyage!" as I left the parking lot after my final exam. It's blurry, but I had to share.

 2. Now that I am a free soul, available to the wants and whims of my heart, I will be making a "Want To Do" list, rather than my normal "To Do" list for this break.  Here is the beginning. Notice, also, that there are no numbers assigned to anything because there is absolutely no importance place on any specific item. I want to do all equally. Though the order is what came out of my head first. Maybe that is an indicator.

• bake GF bread (yes, I will wait for you, Mom!)
• bake COOKIES
• take Alexzander to see SANTA and get a pic.
• shop for family
• send gifts
• make holiday cards
• clean roon
• clean office
• find chem books and open them
• study chemistry
• register for chemistry at IUN
• spend time with Chrissy at The Heart Box Studio, drink tea, and art (verb, yes.)
• clean out garage to park my car in there before... (oh, shoot, please don't jinx me!!)
•  work on my BLOG
• order bridesmaid dress for my big's wedding (Sorry, Big, I know I'm awful...)
• wwwwworkout! (say it like the LMFAO song, "I'm sexy and I know it")

Okay, well this is all the stuff I really WANT to do.  The stuff I MUST do is kind of incorporated in there too, but it's really because I want to do that too. Les Brown says that in order to get what you want, you truly have to be invested in it. Well, I want all of those things done, so I WANT to invest my time into them!!! Procrastination can be an issue for me, but I realize that the more I do it, the harder it is to not do it. The less you do it, the easier it is not to. WEIRD.

Hmmmmmmmm......So what to do first??? BAKE COOKIES :) But, since I'm writing this post, is that actually working on my blog? WHO CARES.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Really, I think this chica has gone loco.

 I'm going to go walk around the house in some hott pants and a bikini top, bake cookies and whatever else hits me at the moment. Why, because that is what I want to do!!!

What are you going to do this holiday season? Is it really what you WANT to do? Remember, you control what makes you HAPPY!!!!

<3

I am happy that you are happy.

This phrase is one that I use often and now, I hear it often, too. It's so simple, yet it says so much. It's showing boundaries, respect, and compassion. It's allowing the other person to feel what they feel, and be okay with it. It's perfect. It's not a question why, an explanation, or a reason. It's a simple way to be grateful, empathetic, and passionate. It's love.

Today, I went for a walk on the beach in Washington Park while on a study break, and this is what I saw.



I immediately was grateful for all that I have. The sky was a rainbow for me to enjoy.

Tonight, though was a different story. Between hearing about the mass shooting in Connecticut, and then my son falling in the tub and chipping his two front teeth, I've been a wreck. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I have a physics final tomorrow. But, I know that God will not put me through anything that I cannot handle.

With that, I pass.

<3 Amelia

SOULFOOD: Overcoming F.E.A.R.

When something scares me, my first instinct is to flea. When I worry about doing well, I immediately make up ten excuses in my head about why I can't do it, so that doing it poorly won't be an option.
 
An acronym that has been used to describe fear is : Forget Everything And Run. This acronym is usually how I think about facing challenges. I realized though, that excuses and running away from problems that cause fear didn't solve the problem. It just puts them off for later!!

So, I REWORD that phrase and get: Face Everything And Recover.

The reading in CoDA for today reminded me of those two acronyms, and so I am using the SECOND one as my mantra for today/tomorrow, as I prepare to take my physics midterm! I am choosing to abolish thoughts of abandoning my problems (or my made up problems--taking an exam is something that I SIGNED UP FOR!!! LOL), and face them head on even though I feel like my biggest fear lately is doing well in my two pre-med courses: Physics and Calculus.

Last weekend, I took my calculus midterm, and I got a 79.98%, which rounds to be a B-. This was not what I was expecting, and I was bummed by my result. To prepare for the exam, I studied hard all week; I made a "cribsheet" with example questions and answers, equations, and tips for how to do the problem; and I felt really good about the work I had done in the three hours it took me to complete the exam. I closed my eyes as I clicked "submit", and when I opened them, my heart sank.

Well, that experience has made preparing for my second exam, the physics midterm, all the more fearful, and my level of anxiety and worry at the beginning of this week were rather high. I have a great program though, and through that I was able to let go, and detach, with the knowledge that the exam was now over, and that I could move on. The relief I felt after meditating about that past exam was immense.

Now I have spent this week preparing for the physics exam, but something in my head: as much as I prepare, and try to force the knowledge to flow, the worse I do. I have accepted that I do not have the power to ruin God's plan for me. As long as I do the foot work (studying and preparing), I will get to where I need to be, because God's plan is so much greater than the plan that I have in my head and my heart.

I know, with prayer and meditation, I will be able to face my challenges as they come, and when they do come, with calm deliberation.

Me in my "study", wearing my "preparing for med-school" glasses.

How are you facing your challenges? How do you manage when something is causing you to worry? I'd love to hear from you!!

<3 Amelia