Happy 2013! This is the first year since 1987 that there has been
four different numbers in the year...something to think about (but only
for a second...)
Today I am ringing in the New Year at the LaPorte ER, with a lovely
doctor, that I am learning to admire(wow, yesterday I was bitching about her..). The day is nice and calm, few
patients waiting, and relatively compliant sick people. I am enjoying
the day, because I hold the power to my happiness. Even though I
would love to be at home with my child-- the beautifully bright boy he
is-- I am showing up to work, I am getting some great pay, and learning new things throughout.
Last night I had the privilege to go to a meeting, and spend a few
moments with friends, though I did not go out and celebrate the dropping
of the ball with the rest of the central standard timers. The night
was filled with a wakeful child cuddling in my bed, among drunken phone
calls, texts, and messages from various social media sites. I did not
hate the late night communication feed, but it was alarming the first
time because my ringer was on LOUD. Then I learned. I did not want to be
woken up by the annoying sound, so I shut off my volume and went back to
bed. I awoke to chaos on the other line, but somewhere in my heart, the barriers of recovery wouldn't allow it to come barging in. What a great feeling.
One of the people who kept contacting me clearly
shouldn't have been out last night, but he was. Unfortunately for him,
it came with some consequences. Normally, I would have answered the
calls during the middle of the night, responded furiously to the
nonsense text messages, and spent every possible ounce of energy on
figuring out what was going on, and how I could fix it. Well, because I
have truly been working on taking care of me, and me alone (besides my
son...), I kept my nose out of it. I kept to myself. I asked no
questions, made no judgements, and acted responsibly, rather than
becoming manically crazy.
This morning, after the fourth phone call, I decided to answer it. I
was informed of some poor news for this particular person, and
ironically, I was insanely calm and mostly relieved. I did not
act like the old me--panicking over the who's, what's and how's of this
persons life. I didn't fret. I did even feel scared. I pictured this
person in God's hands, warm and safe, protected and taken care of--no
matter what. It was relieving, to say the least. I did not let the
situation/event take away my sanity and my happiness. My morning was
going very well, and it stayed that way.
One of the most amazing accomplishments I've done this year has
definitely been working on my own reactions to others problems, and
being able not to internalize them. Sometimes, this is a conscious
effort, but in some ways, I am really just adapting, and it's happening
naturally. THANK GOD. Maybe it is just the fact that I didn't care
anymore, because this issue has been chronic, and my efforts to care
about it have been exhausted, but regardless, it's a blessing that I
have been able to do this today.
I am certain that this year, 2013, will be a year to remember.
Though there are many things about 2012 that were enjoyable (my last
semester of college, my graduation, my first steps in spiritual
recovery, my son's first b-day, my acceleration in physics and medical
school preparation, and finally my new job at the ER), but there have
been many things that I wish would have never happened. The only aspect
of those bad moments that I can enjoy were the learning experience I
have gotten from them. I dove head first into spiritual
recovery, and because of that, I can now look at the harsh portions of
2012 as blessings.
Thank you all for reading my blog this past year. It has really
been an awesome experience to see that there are readers who enjoy what I
have to say. A commitment for next year will be to post something,
anything, even if it is just a sentence or a picture, every day. I want
to have something to return to when New Years Day 2014 comes around.
God Bless you all for a HEALTHY and PEACEFUL 2013.
<3 Amelia
