The John Wayne

This cute little song has got goosebumps all over my body .

A hurt ego, but a wise heart.

So, I am sitting here at work, after just finding out that I did not get the promotion/raise for the job I just got, and I am TRYING not to let it get to me. I needed to tell someone because not only is my ego bruised, (why didn't the doctors like ME???), but, I am also trying not to worry about what these doctors I am working with today are thinking of me.

Last night, I knew I would be finding out about this soon, so I made myself write down that I would be understanding, and that whatever decision that was made would be right for ME. Well, I know that it is. God allowed it to happen.

Now, thankfully, I can see things as they are and realize that the things that have been happening lately (like seeing the TA for the organic chemistry course that I met in line to vote again at the gas station) as an omen about NEEDING to continue with these classes so that I can go to medical school.

Maybe the promotion, with it's extra duties and extra hours, would have been more of a burden than a blessing. Maybe I would've hated it. Maybe I would've not continued with the two other classes having found out that I got this job, and then I would've prolonged my MCAT exam, and consequently my application to medical school...I am saying "maybe" because ALL OF THESE THINGS WERE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS THAT WERE GOING THROUGH MY HEAD!!! WOW!!!

In the book, The Alchemist,  by Paul Choelo, it talks about letting NOTHING get in the way of your dreams. It talks about keeping your heart and mind and soul open to the language of the world, and seeing things for what they are-- the language of the world--with all of it's messages, omens, and signs. It tells you what is happening, how it should be happening, and that whatever is happening is MEANT to happen. Holy Hott Stuff, I'm on to something!!!!

In the book, the boy is on his journey of his own personal legend. The boy meets a king, who first appears to him in a busy market place, but then he continues to appear to him, again and again, throughout the novel in different forms: a good idea, a kind merchant, a theif (weird, I know), and so many othe ways. He guides him, but he often tests him as well. He wants the boy to continue to fulfill his personal legend. The boy, just as he is very near to his personal legend, meets a girl and falls madly in love with her. He wants to abandon his dream, and stay with her. But, she tells him no. She says, you will never be happy if you don't do what your HEART is telling you to do.

So, just like the boy, I feel like my higher power is making me aware that this job, the promotion that I longed for, will not fulfill my heart, not my personal legend. It is not what I am destined to do. It is not the end of the road for me.

And thank GOD, because I really don't LOVE working 12 hour shifts in the ER 4 days a week!!!!

Okay, well now that I have written this blog post, I can clearly, happily, and wholeheartedly say that I am not distraught over the news. I know that there is something MORE I have to be doing, and even though it was something that I wanted to happen, it is not something that was supposed to happen for me.

Just like I have already learned, when I pray for something, I ALWAYS GET THE ANSWER I NEED, not necessarily what I think I need, or what I think I want. 

Positivity, Patience, and Persistence. 

Today, I have a program. I will not show that I am hurt, even though I may be. Without the Al-Anon and CoDA programs, I do not know where I would be. Without the people and literature and the meetings, I do not know if I would've handled it as well.

 Oh, and writing in this blog has TRULY helped.

<3 Amelia

Nearing the end of my first week: feeling optimistic!

Last week on saturday, I started a running program (called color runner)to train you for a 5k in 8 weeks. Seemed lengthy, but I didn't want to over do it. It was easy enough, in theory. The first week, run 1 minute, walk 1.5 mins. 8 times. Takes 20 minutes to do and you're supposed to do this 3x per week.

With that accomplished, I am leading into next week (starting tomorrow). Run 2 minutes, walk 1 min, 7 times. 3x per week. This equals 21 minutes of running. I can't wait.

To keep my mind on it, I had the program picture as the background on my phone.

I also wanted to start #P90X again, so I began that on Monday. I did it everyday, except Wednesday so far, and I hope to make it up on Sunday (which is normally a rest day).

So far, I'm happy with how I feel and motivated by the cuts and increased strength I've already noticed.

Check out my week 1 pics below!

131lbs

Good luck to the rest of you, if you are starting something new, continuing a program or just finishing. Health isn't a choice, its a necessity, keep it up!

...Amelia...