Honesty is the best policy.

It's crazy to me to know and see how things truly are meant to happen these days. Nothing happens that isn't a part of the bigger plan.

Last night, around 6 PM, I went to a CoDA meeting. I was late. I was upset. I was surprised I even made it thru the door. But, the topic was on honesty and duty, and as soon as I heard that, I knew I was safe, and felt comforted.

Well, I am so happy that I went to that meeting because later that night, well actually, at 1am this morning, I got a BRUTALLY honest email from my boss telling me how I was NOT doing my duty.

As soon as I read the words, my heart was racing. I felt wronged, angered, and instantly defensive. This must be how it felt when I pointed out the wrong doings of others. No wonder it never went over well, especially with someone who was disease ridden!!

THANK GOD FOR CODA and AL-ANON.

My heart was still pounding two hours later, but eventually, I was able to get to sleep. When I woke up, the urge to get back at my boss jumped back into my head, and instead of taking the time that instant (mostly--actually, ONLY because I was late for work) to write her a spiteful, rude email, I prayed. I PRAYED, PRAYED, PRAYED. 

Dear Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

The courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen   

I went to work.

I played with little kids. 

I ate some food, drank some awesome coffee, and then I actually went back and looked in my old notes to verify what I thuoght, to what she was telling me. And guess what.....

I WAS WRONG!    

I hurriedly, but thoughtfully wrote back a concise reply that begged for forgiveness, and expressed utter dissatisfaction with my performance, with an emphasis on making sure the "incidences" would never happen again. PHEW!!!

 I am so thankful that I was truthful with MYSELF before blaming others. I am so thankful that I can honestly look back at my life and my doings and promptly admit when I do something wrong. 

And it is all because of the amazing program I am in. Thank you, THANK YOU, Thank You!!!

Be good to yourself. Be true to yourself. 

Who knows. If she would've let this go, never telling me the thruth, and then a week later, fired me because of the instances, I would've been crushed. I was so thankful for being told the truth and her BRUTAL honesty, for now I will grow and learn from this. 

This also goes for the people in my life. I can allow them to lie to me, as much as they do, and then when something awful comes up, I feel absolutely destroyed, because it wasn't the truth. Well, now I am going to do my best to be truthful to myself about the lies I accept. I seem to know what is going on, though I am just in denial about it, so I tell myself that everything is just fine. Well, that doesn't really sound like something that ANYONE should be doing.

I want to be honest with myself. 

I want happiness from within.

I want the love I deserve. 

I will be honest, I will be happy, and I will give myself love. 

To Thine Own Self Be True.....

 

<3 Amelia