A hurt ego, but a wise heart.

So, I am sitting here at work, after just finding out that I did not get the promotion/raise for the job I just got, and I am TRYING not to let it get to me. I needed to tell someone because not only is my ego bruised, (why didn't the doctors like ME???), but, I am also trying not to worry about what these doctors I am working with today are thinking of me.

Last night, I knew I would be finding out about this soon, so I made myself write down that I would be understanding, and that whatever decision that was made would be right for ME. Well, I know that it is. God allowed it to happen.

Now, thankfully, I can see things as they are and realize that the things that have been happening lately (like seeing the TA for the organic chemistry course that I met in line to vote again at the gas station) as an omen about NEEDING to continue with these classes so that I can go to medical school.

Maybe the promotion, with it's extra duties and extra hours, would have been more of a burden than a blessing. Maybe I would've hated it. Maybe I would've not continued with the two other classes having found out that I got this job, and then I would've prolonged my MCAT exam, and consequently my application to medical school...I am saying "maybe" because ALL OF THESE THINGS WERE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS THAT WERE GOING THROUGH MY HEAD!!! WOW!!!

In the book, The Alchemist,  by Paul Choelo, it talks about letting NOTHING get in the way of your dreams. It talks about keeping your heart and mind and soul open to the language of the world, and seeing things for what they are-- the language of the world--with all of it's messages, omens, and signs. It tells you what is happening, how it should be happening, and that whatever is happening is MEANT to happen. Holy Hott Stuff, I'm on to something!!!!

In the book, the boy is on his journey of his own personal legend. The boy meets a king, who first appears to him in a busy market place, but then he continues to appear to him, again and again, throughout the novel in different forms: a good idea, a kind merchant, a theif (weird, I know), and so many othe ways. He guides him, but he often tests him as well. He wants the boy to continue to fulfill his personal legend. The boy, just as he is very near to his personal legend, meets a girl and falls madly in love with her. He wants to abandon his dream, and stay with her. But, she tells him no. She says, you will never be happy if you don't do what your HEART is telling you to do.

So, just like the boy, I feel like my higher power is making me aware that this job, the promotion that I longed for, will not fulfill my heart, not my personal legend. It is not what I am destined to do. It is not the end of the road for me.

And thank GOD, because I really don't LOVE working 12 hour shifts in the ER 4 days a week!!!!

Okay, well now that I have written this blog post, I can clearly, happily, and wholeheartedly say that I am not distraught over the news. I know that there is something MORE I have to be doing, and even though it was something that I wanted to happen, it is not something that was supposed to happen for me.

Just like I have already learned, when I pray for something, I ALWAYS GET THE ANSWER I NEED, not necessarily what I think I need, or what I think I want. 

Positivity, Patience, and Persistence. 

Today, I have a program. I will not show that I am hurt, even though I may be. Without the Al-Anon and CoDA programs, I do not know where I would be. Without the people and literature and the meetings, I do not know if I would've handled it as well.

 Oh, and writing in this blog has TRULY helped.

<3 Amelia

The problem ahead is never greater than the power from behind.

Sometimes I wonder what exactly the meaning behind the happenings in my life are.

Sometimes I think, why is this happening to me?

Sometimes I question what a specific person is doing in my life.

Then I stop and realize, GOD knows the meaning, HE makes things happen, and HE puts the people in my life that need to be there.

My whole life has been filled with small, medium, and large miracles.

These miracles have come in the form of being at the right place at the right time, making the right decision, and meeting the right people.

It has all happened because that was part of the plan, yet we as humans don't realize this. We think things are coincidences. We think that fate has brought these things into our lives, when in reality, the story has already been written.

I know this for a fact, because once I gave up trying to understand things and actually LOOKED and LISTENED to the things happening around me, I was blinded by the light of truth. The information washed over my conscious (and unconscious, as many things have started revealing themselves to me in my dreams), and now, more than ever before, if I ask for an answer, I GET THE ANSWER I NEED.

Like someone said in a meeting this week, "It may not be the Santa Clause answer I am WANTING, but it is the answer that my life NEEDS."

If you pray, think or just TALK to your higher power,  he hears you. He actually hears you when you are feeling the farthest from Him. He is never TOO far away.

Today, as I was driving to my nannying job, I saw this billboard from a church. The quote for today was,

"The problem ahead is never greater than the power from behind."

How insightful is that?!!?? I mean, wow. I needed that today. I needed to be reminded that, even though times are PRESENTLY more difficult to see the bigger picture right now, the times ahead will soon be clear enough. The understanding of WHY we are going through whatever we go through will soon be known. 

Give it all time. Time heals. Have patience and give your Higher Power time to allow things to develop as HE sees fit. 

And always remember...

"THY WILL, NOT MY WILL, BE DONE"