In Al-Anon, I have been working the first two steps, and today I finally tackled the third. I feel so accomplished. I feel so eager. I feel relieved!!
I've said it before, but like Dori in
Finding Nemo--I'll say it again
(P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.): the first three steps of Al-Anon or any other 12 step program can be summed up in three simple phrases.
I can't. God can. I will let him.
When I first heard this from a friend, I was really amazed. Then I forgot the slogan and didn't think about it much more. I heard it again, and I decided to write it down. It wasn't until the third time I heard it--in an email-- that I finally wrote it on a notecard that I keep on my mirror so that I can see it every day. It is a powerful statement; one that no other can really replace.
So, for my work on the third step, I really made myself happy, and I realized that even without fully reading all of my reading material over it, I still understood it pretty well, and that I was living the third step in most of my daily living. When I say most, it's probably the 65% of the time, usually when I am feeling energized, positive, and focused. That other 35% of the time is something that I am working on abolishing minimizing, but I know it will take time.I am willing, and I am able. Most of all, I believe in myself.
Okay, so now I am going to go further into my research on step three. Continue reading, by all means, but I certainly don't want to bore...I really just want to have this written some place I know I can retrieve it later on. Please leave comments or questions if you feel inclined.
Step 3
I think that the third step is the phrase, "Let go and
let God" in a nutshell. We are giving our will and our lives over and
putting it in the hands of God. This slogan is something that I have always
heard, ever since I was a child, and now that I am in program, it really is
easier to practice because the higher power is so much closer to me. I have
always believed, and I have always prayed, but sometimes, I would forget and
now I can't forget.
One of the things I did to help me give everything over to
God was make a God Box. It is an old baby wipe container, the kind with the pop
top. I labeled it and everything. Now every morning, I get up and write
something I am thankful for, and throughout the day I usually end up writing
something to give to God. It has helped me so much, and I have only been using
it for three days.
*LET GO and LET GOD*
I finally read up on step three in "How Al-Anon
Works" and it has opened my eyes on a few matters.
1.) How I define my higher power.
I think of my higher power as the collective soul of the
universe, conspiring together to make all things one. Like the entire world is
beating with one heart, playing in one story, written by the ultimate hand of
God. My higher power, God, is who I pray to for relief from worry, fear, and
anxiety. He calms me, reminding me that I am safe in his arms, no matter what
situations may arise. I think that my arrival into this specific al-anon group,
and all of the people that I have met along the way were things that were meant
to be, just like I was meant to meet Alex and have a beautiful baby. The higher
power I pray to doesn't need formalities, rather just an open heart, willing to
be loved.
2.) I am powerless, still!
I know that I am not powerful
enough to rule my life, let alone anyone else. I know that my old ways were
molded to deal with those around me. To survive situations. To control my
feelings and actions, and those of the others in my life, as well. My old ways
have also led me here to Al-anon. Finally, I am learning to change them and to become one with
serenity. "Our old self reliance and self determination have let us down
again and again." This phrase struck me. It is so true. It is too hard to
rely on ourselves, just as the big book of AA says that will power can only
last so long, and then the first drink can sneak up on you from no where. That
is the same with this program. Unless I practice the steps, slogans and
the prayers daily, I am unable to live in a serene way. I am unable to live lovingly
in the hands of my God. It only makes sense to keep doing it this way, rather
than any other way.
3.) All I have to do is make the decision.
I love this part of step 3. All I have to do is make the
decision to give my will and life over to the care of my higher power, and the
rest is done. Faith is a must, and the decision is necessary, but after that,
the worry and fear seem to subside, little by little, day by day, more and more
.I am so thankful that I have had the awakening, and the knowledge, guidance
and support to make this decision. Seeing those two new people there last night
really reminded me of how easy it is to come, and then also, not to continue to
go. I sometimes feel like I would be better off staying home, in my pj’s than
coming into a meeting, but I am always wrong. I need every one of those hour
long moments of serenity, even if I am reeling over a particular issue. That is
the decision. It’s a decision I am happy that I make every day.
No matter what happens in my life, I know that I will be
safe in God’s arms, loved and cared for. I just have to make that decision to
let Him have it. I am putting it in more capable hands, anyways ;)
<3 Amelia
