I am happy that you are happy.

This phrase is one that I use often and now, I hear it often, too. It's so simple, yet it says so much. It's showing boundaries, respect, and compassion. It's allowing the other person to feel what they feel, and be okay with it. It's perfect. It's not a question why, an explanation, or a reason. It's a simple way to be grateful, empathetic, and passionate. It's love.

Today, I went for a walk on the beach in Washington Park while on a study break, and this is what I saw.



I immediately was grateful for all that I have. The sky was a rainbow for me to enjoy.

Tonight, though was a different story. Between hearing about the mass shooting in Connecticut, and then my son falling in the tub and chipping his two front teeth, I've been a wreck. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I have a physics final tomorrow. But, I know that God will not put me through anything that I cannot handle.

With that, I pass.

<3 Amelia

True Perfection Seems Imperfect.

I have recently come to a realization about myself: I am a perfectionist.

I hold myself to UNrealistically high standards, and when those standards are not met, I beat myself up, blame others, and become overwhelmed with inadequate feelings.

This is true for all things in my life, and i am JUST realizing it.

My body.

My thought pattern.

My parenting style.

My family.

My school work.

My job.

My relationships with others.

My PAST.

ALl of those things, to be kept "perfect" would be exhausting.

I once heard at an Al-Anon meeting, "WOW, it must be EXHAUSTING to be you--always trying to control everything and make everything PERFECT." The statement wasn't directed at me, but I took that to heart.

My life had become exhausting.

To constantly brood over how I could've done something better in my past, or how to make any of those things I mentioned above perfect in the future was absolutely insane.

I felt OUT of control trying to KEEP things IN control.

 Ironic, eh??

Well, someone pointed out to me that....

" Such perfectionism perpetuates dissatisfaction and low self-esteem."

And that, Ladies and Gents, hit the nail on the head.

I was ( am--I haven't overcome this phenomena yet. ) constantly feeling dissatisfied with the work that I did do, and my self-esteem generally runs a little low.

And, why?? I do not know. Well, actually, I do know. It's because I expect perfection.

Today, after a wonderful 1 year anniversary meeting of our lovely little Al-Anon group, I took my sleeping angel to the beach. He dreamt while I watched the shoreline come back and forth, in all of its glory. perfectly rocking the sand in and out of the little grooves, pushing over rocks and shells, unending. The water and sky were combined, as one, by the fog that mysteriously lingered, hiding the rays of sunlight from shining through. Though not a "picture perfect" sight, it was perfect for me. It was what I needed to see. I felt comforted, oddly, by the unknown behind that fog. Comforted by it's perfection.

I feel comforted, because I now understand that NOTHING is perfect. Who gets to determine perfect anyways? Not you, nor I. Our creator loves us for us, and that comes with all of our imperfections.

It reminds me of a line from a poem in the book, tao te ching, by Stephen Mitchel:

True perfection seems imperfect,

yet it is perfectly itself.

 

I commit myself today to consciously focus on times when I feel my need for perfection poking through. I commit to accomplishing more, and loving the result, though it may be "imperfect".

I want to be more love, loving,and loved. I WANT TO LOVE MYSELF!!! 

How are you loving yourself today?? Let me know by leaving a comment :)

<3 Amelia

Yesterday's triumph and today's .... tragedy.

Well, I can say that I cannot make cookies on an empty stomach. They are much too appealing, and one doesn't do the trick. Especially this new recipe that I just made. I think I had like 5. YIKES.

What's worse is I didn't even get a run, jog, walk or body weight activity in today because I was cooped up stidying all day. (Terrible excuse that I will no longer use in the future.)

My mom did treat me to a wondeful haircut, tho, and it truly made my day. Plus, she liked hers as well, which is rare....she's phobic about her hair.

I did manage to do a great circut workout by the dunes yesterday, and I took a walk up and down Franklin St. and central ave to central beach. The air by lake michigan is so fresh and inviting. It's almost a sin not to take advantage of it.
This is what I did for resistance and strength building:

25 jumping jacks
10 burpees
10 squats (butt to the ground, weight on your heels!!)
10 side squats
50 situps, at intervals of 5, holding every 5th one for a long 6 second exhale)

Repeat 4 times.

I did my recovery magic drink ( 1 heaping teaspoon of L-glutamine and 4 oz of water, followed by vitamin c).

I also chugged 32 oz of water and then ate a great litttle tomatoe, mushroom and leek sautee. It was very good and even the baby chowed down.

So, my goal for tomorrow: run! It's been two days, and I think I'm ready for another shot. I have two chapters to read and take notes on, so a nice run in between will keep my head in the game.

Good night, yous!

...Amelia...