Acting my way to a better life.

The past few days have brought forth challenges that my tool box of healthy coping mechanisms was not prepared to handle. I think it had to do with the huge things going on in my life, which aren't excuses, just reality.

For starters, I just started a 3rd job. The training has been comprative to my ER Scribe training. Putting in study hours at home was required, and it was difficult because I'm working the other two jobs.

I'm also preparing to move, and that takes lots of money, time, and planning.

These two things, on top of the last weeks of school, home life, and my beautiful baby, I was a ticking time bomb--ready to explode.

I've been argumentative, rude, and plain selfish. The reality of it, too, was that I couldn't see that I was acting that way. I felt like the victim. I wasn't taking responsibility for my actions. I took many things out on my mother, and wasn't always present with my son. My relationships with other family and close friends was also being affected. I was resentful, angry, and hurt.

With the resentment, I felt the need to retaliate. Argue back, say mean things, ignore, and act "better than". Those things, in the end, really only hurt me. I lost some precious time, but I have since realized it and I am able to start the day again. Refreshed and renewed.

"My happiness is guaranteed if I take the time to help others find it today."
This was a quote from my daily reading. It really spoke to me.

I also found this note, written by my mother:
"To know things is to know thy self. More knowing is a path to make us more humble and modest. He who knows makes himself the lowest, knows everything, and he attains the universal consciousness of eternal sacrifice."

Wow. That is the ultimate "giving". Humble and modest. Two words I need to study.

I pray I may keep this in mind today.

"Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves."
-Maltbie D. Babcock

<3 Amelia