Amelia, Full of Faith

As I was walking along the beautiful lake shore this windy afternoon, I noticed the shore had changed its shape from the previous night’s wind storm. The waves were still high, rolling in, bringing a plethora of new stones and baubles to the beach. What a sight to see something so big changed by the forces of nature. That shore I saw last week will never be exactly the same as the shore that will arrive tomorrow. In so many ways, the shore is related to my life. Like the sands changing in time by the environment around it, so am I. Never the same as yesterday, and a mystery in what I will become tomorrow. 

Life is a gift, cherish it. 

I am sitting here, peacefully, in my new home, my new life. A soundtrack playing of the waves in the distance, and I can only say this: I am cherishing every single moment. Getting to this place did not happen on my own. The spiritual growth that I have experienced over the last year has prepared me to gather the gifts God is giving me, and enjoy them. I have supreme faith that all in life is already written, like a story. When something happens in the story, it continues, and then something else happens. Having faith that the story will continue is a gift to me. I needed faith to bring me here. I need my faith to keep me on the path of self-love and serenity.  

Having faith that this life is taken care of, no matter what, is such a blessing. The worry, fear, indecision, and hurry seem to flow out, and then there is room for the love to flow in. Breathing in the love, and breathing out the fear. The walk helped me to do that. The walk also helped me to see that there is love all around me. Everywhere I looked, I saw a heart rock. I wanted to pick them all up, and keep them to show them off, but I want others to find the love, too. There are so many people in my life that have shared their love with me, and I finally feel ready to share mine. 

Life is life, fight for it.

If you love a flower, leave it alone.

Today I read something so beautiful. It said if you love a flower, let it be. For when you pick the flower it begins to die, and is no longer what you love. Rather, it is a dying glimpse of what it once was.

This is so sentimental for me. It is saying, don't try to control or change something/one that you love, because then you are no longer loving what you fell in love with. It is so important to live our own lives.

It scares me to think about sharing my life with another person. I've tried it, and I am forever changed. I didn't see how lost I had become, until I let go of it and started to look for the real me again. It has been 15 months on this new journey, and I can now honestly say that I wouldn't ask for a different path to be traveling.

I am me. Precious and free!

Acting my way to a better life.

The past few days have brought forth challenges that my tool box of healthy coping mechanisms was not prepared to handle. I think it had to do with the huge things going on in my life, which aren't excuses, just reality.

For starters, I just started a 3rd job. The training has been comprative to my ER Scribe training. Putting in study hours at home was required, and it was difficult because I'm working the other two jobs.

I'm also preparing to move, and that takes lots of money, time, and planning.

These two things, on top of the last weeks of school, home life, and my beautiful baby, I was a ticking time bomb--ready to explode.

I've been argumentative, rude, and plain selfish. The reality of it, too, was that I couldn't see that I was acting that way. I felt like the victim. I wasn't taking responsibility for my actions. I took many things out on my mother, and wasn't always present with my son. My relationships with other family and close friends was also being affected. I was resentful, angry, and hurt.

With the resentment, I felt the need to retaliate. Argue back, say mean things, ignore, and act "better than". Those things, in the end, really only hurt me. I lost some precious time, but I have since realized it and I am able to start the day again. Refreshed and renewed.

"My happiness is guaranteed if I take the time to help others find it today."
This was a quote from my daily reading. It really spoke to me.

I also found this note, written by my mother:
"To know things is to know thy self. More knowing is a path to make us more humble and modest. He who knows makes himself the lowest, knows everything, and he attains the universal consciousness of eternal sacrifice."

Wow. That is the ultimate "giving". Humble and modest. Two words I need to study.

I pray I may keep this in mind today.

"Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves."
-Maltbie D. Babcock

<3 Amelia

The John Wayne

This cute little song has got goosebumps all over my body .

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

It has been a month or so since I last blogged.


I don't know why I felt compelled to do so today. Maybe because I don't know who to talk to about my feelings.

I am sad. I might just be pms-ing, which is a lame excuse, and right now it's ok with me. I want to write for me, and others to read. Some times it includes the low moments.Hopefully, tomorrow, I will be seeing and feeling differently.

I have been trying to see the light on my future path, yet more and more dirt and sparkles keep getting thrown on it. The dirt and sparkles being things I don't like and do like. Those specks make it hard to see the truth. Those specks are provoking emotions, wherein emotion has no place.

I know that I need to pray for an answer. I know that I could be shown a sign, given a Yes or a No. Maybe I won't receive an answer at all, and that will be a sign to wait. The main thing is, I have to pray.

"When we pause to pray, we are opening ourselves to peace."

And when we pray, we realize that what we want isn't what He may want. In those answers lies out path. In those answers he shows us his plan. It is our choice to live in a way that we follow his plan, with love. It is acceptance.

For in thy light we see thy light.

In order to save face and avoid being annoying, I'm writing here. Today was a day to be thankful for. It was ordinary, but not in the same sense. I felt instantly energized when I saw the sun peak its head out. I went for a run. 34 minutes without stopping. The sunshine said, you are light. You are love. Be love. Live love. Live.

<3