So, I am sitting here at work, after just finding out that I did
not get the promotion/raise for the job I just got, and I am TRYING not
to let it get to me. I needed to tell someone because not only is my ego
bruised, (why didn't the doctors like ME???), but, I am also trying not
to worry about what these doctors I am working with today are thinking
of me.
Last night, I knew I would be finding out about this soon, so I
made myself write down that I would be understanding, and that whatever
decision that was made would be right for ME. Well, I know that it is.
God allowed it to happen.
Now, thankfully, I can see things as they are and realize that the
things that have been happening lately (like seeing the TA for the
organic chemistry course that I met in line to vote again at the gas
station) as an omen about NEEDING to continue with these classes so that
I can go to medical school.
Maybe the promotion, with it's extra duties and extra hours, would
have been more of a burden than a blessing. Maybe I would've hated it.
Maybe I would've not continued with the two other classes having found
out that I got this job, and then I would've prolonged my MCAT exam, and
consequently my application to medical school...I am saying "maybe"
because ALL OF THESE THINGS WERE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS THAT WERE GOING
THROUGH MY HEAD!!! WOW!!!
In the book, The Alchemist, by Paul Choelo, it talks
about letting NOTHING get in the way of your dreams. It talks about
keeping your heart and mind and soul open to the language of the world,
and seeing things for what they are-- the language of the world--with
all of it's messages, omens, and signs. It tells you what is happening,
how it should be happening, and that whatever is happening is MEANT to
happen. Holy Hott Stuff, I'm on to something!!!!
In the book, the boy is on his journey of his own personal legend.
The boy meets a king, who first appears to him in a busy market place,
but then he continues to appear to him, again and again, throughout the
novel in different forms: a good idea, a kind merchant, a theif (weird, I
know), and so many othe ways. He guides him, but he often tests him as
well. He wants the boy to continue to fulfill his personal legend. The
boy, just as he is very near to his personal legend, meets a girl and
falls madly in love with her. He wants to abandon his dream, and stay
with her. But, she tells him no. She says, you will never be happy if
you don't do what your HEART is telling you to do.
So, just like the boy, I feel like my higher power is making me
aware that this job, the promotion that I longed for, will not fulfill
my heart, not my personal legend. It is not what I am destined to do. It
is not the end of the road for me.
And thank GOD, because I really don't LOVE working 12 hour shifts in the ER 4 days a week!!!!
Okay, well now that I have written this blog post, I can clearly,
happily, and wholeheartedly say that I am not distraught over the news. I
know that there is something MORE I have to be doing, and even though
it was something that I wanted to happen, it is not something that was
supposed to happen for me.
Just like I have already learned, when I pray for something, I ALWAYS
GET THE ANSWER I NEED, not necessarily what I think I need, or what I
think I want.
Positivity, Patience, and Persistence.
Today, I have a program. I will not show that I am hurt, even though I may be. Without the Al-Anon and CoDA programs, I do not know where I would be. Without the people and literature and the meetings, I do not know if I would've handled it as well.
Oh, and writing in this blog has TRULY helped.
<3 Amelia
