Positive Affirmations of CoDA

Recently, I was at a wonderful 1st step Codependents anonymous meeting. There were so many newcomers there, and it was a very high energy meeting. Coincidentally, I was the leader, and instead of becoming too nervous, I felt empowered. Hopefully I could come across to these people in an informed way!! I think I did, anyways :)

When I was preparing the night before, I wanted to make sure that this meeting started off on the right foot.  I chose to make it a more formal meeting, since it was the first of the year. I am really glad that I did. I think that the formality was greeted with a deeper understanding of the group, as a program, rather than just a meeting. It had the right components to ignite new ideas in some of the members, which was brought up afterwards.

Part of my plan was to delegate the duties of reading specific things to some of the members before the group started. All of the information isn't usually read, but I wanted to read it all, so we had many members help get the meeting going. My final duty, besides leading the meeting, was to read the CoDA affirmations. They are sometimes left out, but since they are so powerfully uplifting, I wanted to make sure we ended on a positive note. They always make me feel so special, and loved by me.

Here is a big list, and all of them are great and very meaningful. I underlined some of the ones that make me truly feel good, from the inside.I found this list at the CoDA Online site.

I am a child of God; I deserve love, peace and prosperity for me.

I am not alone, I am one with God and the universe.

I am a good person to me for me.

I am loved and I deserve love.

I have many talents

I am not a victim

I will be who I am and I am enough.

I am worthy and good to me for me.

I am a loving person

I am a strong, capable person

I respect myself and I deserve respect from others

I set my boundaries for me

I respect mine and others boundaries for me

The pain that I feel by remembering, can not be any worse than the pain that I feel by knowing and not remembering

I take full charge of my life today

I let serenity flow into my life

I feel appreciated today

I can give to others with no strings attached

I can meet new opportunities without fear

I will not be intimidated for me

Today I view my childhood without shame

Today I have confidence  

Today I will rejoice in my abilities

I trust in the serenity my God provides

I am calm and tranquil.

I can be playful

I open my heart to my inner child

I have a new awareness in my life

I acknowledge my needs

I allow God to enter my life today
I can face my fears & work to overcome them

I can trust my thoughts & emotions

I feel my feelings for me

I can be vulnerable with someone I trust.

I forgive myself for accepting sex when I wanted love.

I make decisions confidently for me

I am kind, loving and gentle to me for me

I acknowledge my needs

I am peaceful and loving

I am joyful

I will seek out friends today

I am a friendly person

I am a good listener

I feel good about myself for me

I express my feelings for me

I make wise choices for me

I treat myself with kindness & patience

I am in charge of my life

I forgive myself & others who have hurt me

I am a friend to myself

I can express my anger openly, honestly & appropriately

I can handle criticism with ease

Today I will put all negativity behind me 

I hope that this list made you feel good, today. I know I sure do. Leave a comment with any affirmation you would like to add!!

It's easy as 1, 2, 3

In Al-Anon, I have been working the first two steps, and today I finally tackled the third. I feel so accomplished. I feel so eager. I feel relieved!!

I've said it before, but like Dori in Finding Nemo--I'll say it again (P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.): the first three steps of Al-Anon or any other 12 step program can be summed up in three simple phrases. 

I can't. God can. I will let him.

When I first heard this from a friend, I was really amazed. Then I forgot the slogan and didn't think about it much more. I heard it again, and I decided to write it down. It wasn't until the third time I heard it--in an email-- that I finally wrote it on a notecard that I keep on my mirror so that I can see it every day. It is a powerful statement; one that no other can really replace.

So, for my work on the third step, I really made myself happy, and I realized that even without fully reading all of my reading material over it, I still understood it pretty well, and that I was living the third step in most of my daily living. When I say most, it's probably the 65% of the time, usually when I am feeling energized, positive, and focused. That other 35% of the time is something that I am working on abolishing minimizing, but I know it will take time.I am willing, and I am able. Most of all, I believe in myself. 

Okay, so now I am going to go further into my research on step three. Continue reading, by all means, but I certainly don't want to bore...I really just want to have this written some place I know I can retrieve it later on. Please leave comments or questions if you feel inclined. 

Step 3

I think that the third step is the phrase, "Let go and let God" in a nutshell. We are giving our will and our lives over and putting it in the hands of God. This slogan is something that I have always heard, ever since I was a child, and now that I am in program, it really is easier to practice because the higher power is so much closer to me. I have always believed, and I have always prayed, but sometimes, I would forget and now I can't forget.

One of the things I did to help me give everything over to God was make a God Box. It is an old baby wipe container, the kind with the pop top. I labeled it and everything. Now every morning, I get up and write something I am thankful for, and throughout the day I usually end up writing something to give to God. It has helped me so much, and I have only been using it for three days.

 *LET GO and LET GOD*

I finally read up on step three in "How Al-Anon Works" and it has opened my eyes on a few matters.

1.) How I define my higher power.

I think of my higher power as the collective soul of the universe, conspiring together to make all things one. Like the entire world is beating with one heart, playing in one story, written by the ultimate hand of God. My higher power, God, is who I pray to for relief from worry, fear, and anxiety. He calms me, reminding me that I am safe in his arms, no matter what situations may arise. I think that my arrival into this specific al-anon group, and all of the people that I have met along the way were things that were meant to be, just like I was meant to meet Alex and have a beautiful baby. The higher power I pray to doesn't need formalities, rather just an open heart, willing to be loved.

2.) I am powerless, still!

I know that I am not powerful enough to rule my life, let alone anyone else. I know that my old ways were molded to deal with those around me. To survive situations. To control my feelings and actions, and those of the others in my life, as well. My old ways have also led me here to Al-anon. Finally, I am learning to change them and to become one with serenity. "Our old self reliance and self determination have let us down again and again." This phrase struck me. It is so true. It is too hard to rely on ourselves, just as the big book of AA says that will power can only last so long, and then the first drink can sneak up on you from no where. That is the same with this program. Unless I practice the steps, slogans and the prayers daily, I am unable to live in a serene way. I am unable to live lovingly in the hands of my God. It only makes sense to keep doing it this way, rather than any other way. 

3.) All I have to do is make the decision.

I love this part of step 3. All I have to do is make the decision to give my will and life over to the care of my higher power, and the rest is done. Faith is a must, and the decision is necessary, but after that, the worry and fear seem to subside, little by little, day by day, more and more .I am so thankful that I have had the awakening, and the knowledge, guidance and support to make this decision. Seeing those two new people there last night really reminded me of how easy it is to come, and then also, not to continue to go. I sometimes feel like I would be better off staying home, in my pj’s than coming into a meeting, but I am always wrong. I need every one of those hour long moments of serenity, even if I am reeling over a particular issue. That is the decision. It’s a decision I am happy that I make every day.

No matter what happens in my life, I know that I will be safe in God’s arms, loved and cared for. I just have to make that decision to let Him have it. I am putting it in more capable hands, anyways ;)

<3 Amelia

I am happy that you are happy.

This phrase is one that I use often and now, I hear it often, too. It's so simple, yet it says so much. It's showing boundaries, respect, and compassion. It's allowing the other person to feel what they feel, and be okay with it. It's perfect. It's not a question why, an explanation, or a reason. It's a simple way to be grateful, empathetic, and passionate. It's love.

Today, I went for a walk on the beach in Washington Park while on a study break, and this is what I saw.



I immediately was grateful for all that I have. The sky was a rainbow for me to enjoy.

Tonight, though was a different story. Between hearing about the mass shooting in Connecticut, and then my son falling in the tub and chipping his two front teeth, I've been a wreck. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I have a physics final tomorrow. But, I know that God will not put me through anything that I cannot handle.

With that, I pass.

<3 Amelia

Honesty is the best policy.

It's crazy to me to know and see how things truly are meant to happen these days. Nothing happens that isn't a part of the bigger plan.

Last night, around 6 PM, I went to a CoDA meeting. I was late. I was upset. I was surprised I even made it thru the door. But, the topic was on honesty and duty, and as soon as I heard that, I knew I was safe, and felt comforted.

Well, I am so happy that I went to that meeting because later that night, well actually, at 1am this morning, I got a BRUTALLY honest email from my boss telling me how I was NOT doing my duty.

As soon as I read the words, my heart was racing. I felt wronged, angered, and instantly defensive. This must be how it felt when I pointed out the wrong doings of others. No wonder it never went over well, especially with someone who was disease ridden!!

THANK GOD FOR CODA and AL-ANON.

My heart was still pounding two hours later, but eventually, I was able to get to sleep. When I woke up, the urge to get back at my boss jumped back into my head, and instead of taking the time that instant (mostly--actually, ONLY because I was late for work) to write her a spiteful, rude email, I prayed. I PRAYED, PRAYED, PRAYED. 

Dear Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

The courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen   

I went to work.

I played with little kids. 

I ate some food, drank some awesome coffee, and then I actually went back and looked in my old notes to verify what I thuoght, to what she was telling me. And guess what.....

I WAS WRONG!    

I hurriedly, but thoughtfully wrote back a concise reply that begged for forgiveness, and expressed utter dissatisfaction with my performance, with an emphasis on making sure the "incidences" would never happen again. PHEW!!!

 I am so thankful that I was truthful with MYSELF before blaming others. I am so thankful that I can honestly look back at my life and my doings and promptly admit when I do something wrong. 

And it is all because of the amazing program I am in. Thank you, THANK YOU, Thank You!!!

Be good to yourself. Be true to yourself. 

Who knows. If she would've let this go, never telling me the thruth, and then a week later, fired me because of the instances, I would've been crushed. I was so thankful for being told the truth and her BRUTAL honesty, for now I will grow and learn from this. 

This also goes for the people in my life. I can allow them to lie to me, as much as they do, and then when something awful comes up, I feel absolutely destroyed, because it wasn't the truth. Well, now I am going to do my best to be truthful to myself about the lies I accept. I seem to know what is going on, though I am just in denial about it, so I tell myself that everything is just fine. Well, that doesn't really sound like something that ANYONE should be doing.

I want to be honest with myself. 

I want happiness from within.

I want the love I deserve. 

I will be honest, I will be happy, and I will give myself love. 

To Thine Own Self Be True.....

 

<3 Amelia

   

The answer will come, just let it happen!!

I know I am not the only one with a million and one things to do this time of the year, but it sure does feel like I have more decisions to make than I normally do.

With the Christmas season, there is always a "to-do" list a mile long:

• shopping
• baking
• cooking
• visiting family
• card making
• decorating
• cleaning
• finding a Christmas tree (check!!-->)

Then comes the tasks for the new year, and those are are so hard to plan and predict, that it seems almost stupid to even TRY!!! The ones I know I must do are:

• al-anon and coda meetings
• day care for Alexzander
• job schedule (ER? tutoring?? nannying????)
• class schedule (orgo and physics)
• budget (classes, gas, daycare)
• baking business/hobby ??? (anyone who is a business developer and who wants to help out, feel free to jump on board!!)

Now, with all of those things written down, know that some things I can plan and plan for, but no matter what they will just have to work themselves out. As for the things I do have control over, I am learning to take small steps to accomplish the bigger goal. Like with the Christmas tree project....instead of trying to do it all yesterday, I let it go, and it worked out perfectly that we went today!!

With these decisions and the tasks that I am facing, it's about making small progress to get towards the bigger goal, which should always be in the background of my thinking. I am working on this!!

I know, certainly, that whatever decision that I make, because I am praying about it and being open to my higher powers guidance, will be the right one. I know that because I have the strength, hope and faith in my heart that I am on the right path.

I have the power, which I have derived from my higher power whom I call God, and that is the power to change my own life. Such simple and basic truths, to another it may seem elementary, but to me, it is now like opening a brand new book of wisdom. The reason this is happening is because I am allowing my heart to be open, and to feel the words, instead of just letting them go in one ear and out the other.

"You have plenty of time to let the answer come to you."

This is what I am focusing on at the present moment. It was as if magic spewed out of a friends mouth when I heard this today. SO inspiring, but SO simple. WOW.

Sometimes, I am lucky, and answers to things just COME to me. A sign, an omen, an idea, or a message. But, that isn't always the case, so I am remembering that I am also a really good judge of what I should be doing. I KNOW THE ANSWER, YET I AM UNWILLING TO ACCEPT IT. That gut feeling, you know?? Yeah. 

Above all, I believe. 

How are you getting through this busy end of the year season???

<3 Amelia



 

WEI WU WEI: Doing not-doing.

 

"Less and Less do you need to force things,

 until finally you arrive at non-action. 

when nothing is done, 

nothing is left undone." 

--Lao-tzu

The beauty of life comes when you are able to Wei Wu Wei-- doing not-doing. 

"The game plays the game, the poem writes the poem and we can't tell the dancer from the dance. Nothing is done because the doer has wholeheartedly vanished into the deed."

--Stephen Mitchell

As I was meditating today, I reached a new level of consciousness. I felt. I breathed. I listened to my soul speak to my heart. I found answers in not-doing, because I was truly doing what I needed to do: Focus on myself.

This reasoning, this idea, this knowledge seems to be just happening to me, so to read about it today, was earth shattering amazing. 

I am a great believer of coincidences, but now, more than ever, I know they aren't that. Instead, it's the soul of the Universe speaking to me, teaching me, showing me, loving me. 

It can be the littlest things that turn out to be the biggest things, and that goes back to the concept of wei wu wei, doing not-doing. If you are in tune with the soul of the world, you are living in the present, doing the most, and seeing everything for what it is. 

Spirituality has become my sport, my drug, my high.

I want to do not-doing with my spirituality in the world. I want to see, hear, and feel the love this universe has for me. Embracing my higher power has allowed me to want this more than ever before. 

"I am a complex, fascinating human being with a wide range of emotions, experiences, and thoughts."

--Al-Anon: Courage to Change, pg. 339

"Whatever I focus on, I create in my life." --In This Moment, CoDA reader, pg. 339

"I ask God to help keep me on my course that will change me for better."--ODAT, pg.339

"Without Al-Anon, I might not have tapped into that Grace and the ability to love myself and others, EXACTLY where we are at in this moment in time." --Hope For Today, pg 339

My heart is holding onto these affirmations today, taking each in, feeling, loving, knowing--I am right where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing, and loving all that is this life, for there is no do over. 

I thank the Lord, for allowing me to go through hard times, so that I can grown, and find strength through overcoming anything that I am put through. 

"The only way past something is THROUGH it." 

Much love, to all of you. XOXO

<3 Amelia

We get by, with a little help from our friends.

Today was an absolutely, positively, magnificently, glorious day.  :)

Great yoga, empowering shift in the ER, beautiful sunset on the way home, and an AWESOME CoDA meeting tonight. 

 

I have learned that many things are not just what they seem, but they are rather a huge manifestation of many characteristics, ranging from people, places, to things. 

We would not be who we are if we did not have the environment around us. 

We would not know what we know if it were not for the daily interactions we experience. 

We would CERTAINLY not feel the same feelings without the joys of others in our lives. 

We are BLESSED people, to live in a world where we have SO much. Yet, when I think about it, we are also probably really poor in spirit because of all the UNNECESSARY stuff around us that prevent relationships from blossoming, strengthening, and growing, due to the distractions we face. 

I have come to enjoy something so much that it is hard to keep it in: 

I love my CoDA and Al-Anon family. 

The reading material is informative and makes you think inwardly about what it is that we, as recovering people, need to do to help US. 

The interactions, though, are a whole different story. The strength I get from the people in my groups is something that I have never experienced before. Not with family, not with friends, not with class mates or teachers.... 

THIS IS NEW, and THIS IS AMAZING. 

These people are all here for the same thing. They are here to recover and to prevent their future from recapitulating their past. They are here for happiness.

I was listening to the radio on my way home and the song Wonderwall, by Oasis came on. 

"I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all, you're my wonderwall."

It is  weird, but each of those people around those tables have truly been my wonderwall. You may never know where KNOWLEDGE will come find you, but when it does, you will probably not expect it from that particular person. Words flowing out of another's mouth, smacking you in the face. It really just depends on where each of us are at in our lives, but no matter what, there is something special going on, and I am benefiting from it!

The main thing is that we have to be open to hear  what others are saying, and once we are able to receive love, we can be love. 

Strength in numbers. This is not just a group, it's a family.  <3

Do any of you go to CoDA or Al-Anon?? If so, how do you feel about the group? Do you feel close? Do you get love out of it? Do you have questions about what Al-Anon or CoDA is?? I want to hear YOU....Leave a comment!!

   

 

True Perfection Seems Imperfect.

I have recently come to a realization about myself: I am a perfectionist.

I hold myself to UNrealistically high standards, and when those standards are not met, I beat myself up, blame others, and become overwhelmed with inadequate feelings.

This is true for all things in my life, and i am JUST realizing it.

My body.

My thought pattern.

My parenting style.

My family.

My school work.

My job.

My relationships with others.

My PAST.

ALl of those things, to be kept "perfect" would be exhausting.

I once heard at an Al-Anon meeting, "WOW, it must be EXHAUSTING to be you--always trying to control everything and make everything PERFECT." The statement wasn't directed at me, but I took that to heart.

My life had become exhausting.

To constantly brood over how I could've done something better in my past, or how to make any of those things I mentioned above perfect in the future was absolutely insane.

I felt OUT of control trying to KEEP things IN control.

 Ironic, eh??

Well, someone pointed out to me that....

" Such perfectionism perpetuates dissatisfaction and low self-esteem."

And that, Ladies and Gents, hit the nail on the head.

I was ( am--I haven't overcome this phenomena yet. ) constantly feeling dissatisfied with the work that I did do, and my self-esteem generally runs a little low.

And, why?? I do not know. Well, actually, I do know. It's because I expect perfection.

Today, after a wonderful 1 year anniversary meeting of our lovely little Al-Anon group, I took my sleeping angel to the beach. He dreamt while I watched the shoreline come back and forth, in all of its glory. perfectly rocking the sand in and out of the little grooves, pushing over rocks and shells, unending. The water and sky were combined, as one, by the fog that mysteriously lingered, hiding the rays of sunlight from shining through. Though not a "picture perfect" sight, it was perfect for me. It was what I needed to see. I felt comforted, oddly, by the unknown behind that fog. Comforted by it's perfection.

I feel comforted, because I now understand that NOTHING is perfect. Who gets to determine perfect anyways? Not you, nor I. Our creator loves us for us, and that comes with all of our imperfections.

It reminds me of a line from a poem in the book, tao te ching, by Stephen Mitchel:

True perfection seems imperfect,

yet it is perfectly itself.

 

I commit myself today to consciously focus on times when I feel my need for perfection poking through. I commit to accomplishing more, and loving the result, though it may be "imperfect".

I want to be more love, loving,and loved. I WANT TO LOVE MYSELF!!! 

How are you loving yourself today?? Let me know by leaving a comment :)

<3 Amelia

A hurt ego, but a wise heart.

So, I am sitting here at work, after just finding out that I did not get the promotion/raise for the job I just got, and I am TRYING not to let it get to me. I needed to tell someone because not only is my ego bruised, (why didn't the doctors like ME???), but, I am also trying not to worry about what these doctors I am working with today are thinking of me.

Last night, I knew I would be finding out about this soon, so I made myself write down that I would be understanding, and that whatever decision that was made would be right for ME. Well, I know that it is. God allowed it to happen.

Now, thankfully, I can see things as they are and realize that the things that have been happening lately (like seeing the TA for the organic chemistry course that I met in line to vote again at the gas station) as an omen about NEEDING to continue with these classes so that I can go to medical school.

Maybe the promotion, with it's extra duties and extra hours, would have been more of a burden than a blessing. Maybe I would've hated it. Maybe I would've not continued with the two other classes having found out that I got this job, and then I would've prolonged my MCAT exam, and consequently my application to medical school...I am saying "maybe" because ALL OF THESE THINGS WERE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS THAT WERE GOING THROUGH MY HEAD!!! WOW!!!

In the book, The Alchemist,  by Paul Choelo, it talks about letting NOTHING get in the way of your dreams. It talks about keeping your heart and mind and soul open to the language of the world, and seeing things for what they are-- the language of the world--with all of it's messages, omens, and signs. It tells you what is happening, how it should be happening, and that whatever is happening is MEANT to happen. Holy Hott Stuff, I'm on to something!!!!

In the book, the boy is on his journey of his own personal legend. The boy meets a king, who first appears to him in a busy market place, but then he continues to appear to him, again and again, throughout the novel in different forms: a good idea, a kind merchant, a theif (weird, I know), and so many othe ways. He guides him, but he often tests him as well. He wants the boy to continue to fulfill his personal legend. The boy, just as he is very near to his personal legend, meets a girl and falls madly in love with her. He wants to abandon his dream, and stay with her. But, she tells him no. She says, you will never be happy if you don't do what your HEART is telling you to do.

So, just like the boy, I feel like my higher power is making me aware that this job, the promotion that I longed for, will not fulfill my heart, not my personal legend. It is not what I am destined to do. It is not the end of the road for me.

And thank GOD, because I really don't LOVE working 12 hour shifts in the ER 4 days a week!!!!

Okay, well now that I have written this blog post, I can clearly, happily, and wholeheartedly say that I am not distraught over the news. I know that there is something MORE I have to be doing, and even though it was something that I wanted to happen, it is not something that was supposed to happen for me.

Just like I have already learned, when I pray for something, I ALWAYS GET THE ANSWER I NEED, not necessarily what I think I need, or what I think I want. 

Positivity, Patience, and Persistence. 

Today, I have a program. I will not show that I am hurt, even though I may be. Without the Al-Anon and CoDA programs, I do not know where I would be. Without the people and literature and the meetings, I do not know if I would've handled it as well.

 Oh, and writing in this blog has TRULY helped.

<3 Amelia